Ok, I just realized that I gypped you guys. I was going to talk about my relationship and then went on a tangent about my past….
So today, y’all get a 2-fer. Let me load this bowl and then we shall get started….
Its a good thing that I make my own schedule, because the clock says 12:14am….
I mentioned that my ex had started a blog, and I needed to publicly respond. I found out much later that she has been reading my blog the entire time, saw that particular blog, freaked out and deleted her entire collective works….
How did I even get to ex?
The last thing I mentioned was Katie in 2014. She was my first love/infatuation/crush/dream come true/what have you…. I met her many years previous thru her boyfriend at the time. We always maintained contact, partied together thru the years. In December of 2013 we started dating. We both fell hard, and fast. I moved into her place sometime in January 2014. Our relationship was a firework: bright, spectacular, and gone in an instant. My birthday is September 3rd, she dumped me on the 4th and we haven’t spoken since. I couldn’t handle life, I couldn’t handle being around people, I could barely eat. I remember one week, I was working construction just to tell you how hard I was going, and I ate a donut on Friday. 1 donut. That was my food for the week. I didn’t care if I lived or died. I’ve never admitted it to the public, but I haven’t worn my seatbelt since and that is the reason why. I lost 40 pounds. Jesus I am tearing up just thinking about that period of my life. The thing we don’t realize is, we punish ourselves when we become angry and bitter. She literally did not and does not give 1 single fuck about me. I was so mad, frustrated and confused that I PUNISHED MYSELF…. what a way to live….
(20 minutes later: is it weird that I like to smoke weed and re-read my own blog posts? I was just reading the one about my motorcycle and laughing my ass off. At least I appreciate my own sense of humor)
Now we fast forward to the end of 2016. I finally dug myself out of the slump over Katie and entered the dating world again.
We dated for almost 2 years. It was the most beautiful, amazing, incredible, like fuck I could go on with these euphemisms forever, relationship ever. She taught me what it means to actually love, not that bullshit infatuation I had with Katie. Her name is Corvette, which sucks because I am a Ford guy. You can’t make this shit up….
I just recently heard “the worst distance between two people is misunderstanding” and ultimately that is what became the death of us. Stupid, simple, lack of communication, lack of understanding….
After 5 weeks apart, we had both separately acquired the necessary perspective to move forward. One night I arrived on her porch, flowers in hand on 1 knee, tears rolling down my face and a long conversation to realize what matters in life.
I keep telling people “either choose the hard path or the hard path chooses you”. Life isn’t perfect. Nothing is ever easy.
I mentioned in the last post that I talked to so many people who were dating/married because of attraction and interests. Her and I have something so much better, so fucking rare that it is not worth losing. Soulmates are not often recognized or found in this world. There exists an undeniable connection between our two souls. She has an amazing son who is part of the equation. I can’t explain it, but him and I just click. We understand each other, we learn from each other, we respect and love each other. I never ever wanted to be a parent to someone else’s child after my own childhood experience with step-parents. One of the things that matters most to me in life is giving everything a fair chance at least once…. I had so many single mothers want to date me thru the years and I said no simply because they already had a child. Corvette is different. I felt it the first moment I can remember her in my mind. We met thru the car scene about 8 years ago. She was rarely often involved, but her next door neighbor was a huge VW guy. I never knew what it was, but I knew there was a connection worth exploring. We became loose friends. I saw her have a child, and a few boyfriends over the years. I was such a chicken back then. I knew she liked football, so I managed to invite myself to a few games over the years. Her son and I hung out, she and I laughed together and I watched her yell at the TV. There was always delicious food to enjoy and a beer or two.
This was even before I dated Katie. When I was dating Katie, she became jealous of our friendship and forbade me from talking to Corvette. I was such an ignoramus. I was so out of my mind after Katie dumped me, that I didn’t talk to Corvette for 2 years….
On my personal FB page about 6 weeks ago I said something about making the hardest decision of my life. That was when I had to tell her it was over. Her and I were full of misunderstanding that we couldn’t communicate at all.
What is meant to be, will be. Every single day the signs of the universe pointed me towards her. I tried to talk myself out of it. I used what I thought was solid logic to tell myself why it wouldn’t work. I even got confirmation bias from close friends by running said logic thru their mind. I was a mess. I couldn’t think straight and I had no one to blame but myself. One day I received an email from her and knew that she was ready to talk. We were up all night emailing each other. It was hard, we both cried, but it was beautiful in the end. After that night, I followed my heart for the first time in years. That leads you round about to the night with the flowers.
Every single day WE have to remind ourselves that it is US vs the problem not US vs each other. I am about to embark on the next chapter of life, the serious relationship, forever type shit. If anyone has any advice on how their relationship has weathered the years, please share it with me!
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